Been off the grid lately, not necessarily depressed, but off the wagon, so to speak. Eating like a pig and drinking like a fish. So, in my food and booze induced stupor, I found little inspiration to write. I may be exaggerating the liquor stupor for effect, so don't go calling Candy Finnigan yet.
I've decided enough is enough and have cut down on my caloric intake at least. Even started running on the treadmill with the aid of binaural beat meditations. Then I got a nifty little game for the Wii called Just Dance 2, which has sent the treadmill back to dust bunny land. I hate to say it, but my new found determination doesn't come from a desire to be healthy, but to be HOT! I'm tired of seeing these chicks on TV looking so good when I know I can, too. Yes, even at the tender age of 52. I've seen women who look far older from the neck up with these fabulous bodies. Pisses me off.
So, while I'm in this never ending quest for a relationship of the non plastic variety, I'm not sure I want to find a man who loves me just the way I am now. If I'm to be honest, I'd rather be desired than be romanced sometimes. I want men to see me and say God DAMN!! Which is what I thought when I saw this mega hot guy coming out of my lobby and into the parking lot this morning. All I saw was the back of him, his gorgeous, muscled arms, the still wet hair on his neck, sinewy legs, tight ass... I couldn't have cared less what he looked like, although he is probably handsome, but that BODY! Whoa! Memo to me: Girl, start thinking according to your chronological – not your mental – age. He's way too young for you. [Oh, but the possibilities!]
Anyway. Relationships vs Freedom. This annoying duality has plagued me all my life. I have had two long term relationships and they have been great. But, I also enjoy that wonderfully free time in between. What to do? I am quasi determined to hold out for the real thing. However, I got two intriguing calls this past week which made me think. One was from my ex on his birthday. Another from one of the skeletons in my closet. Both short term options, but do I want them?
If I ever settle for short term, I prefer someone with whom I don't have a history with. What would be the point?
The thermostat is on high. Maybe it's just menopause.
