Law of Attraction

I shared a caricature on Facebook this week which showed a cobweb covered skeleton, dressed and accessorized as a woman, sitting on one of those benches where you wait for a bus.  The caption read: Waiting for the Perfect Man.

While the caricature is funny and sarcastic, and I'm sure it got a chuckle from more than a few women, was it a nervous chuckle?  Was it too close for comfort, perhaps?  Is this taking the Law of Attraction a bit too far?

The Law of Attraction, simply put, states that like attracts like, no exceptions. Whatever your thoughts focus on the Universe will manifest.  I am a firm believer and it works for me all the time.  It's the way I attracted my new car and this month's rent!  However, there is no question and answer session with the Universe.  No questionnaire to make sure what you wish for is exactly right.  If you think about getting out of debt, your thought is concentrated on debt, not on wealth, so thoughts have to be carefully chosen.

Which brings me back to the skeleton at the bus stop.  I'd like to see the laundry list of characteristics she had for Mr. Right!  Was her list self-editing every five seconds?  Or -- and this is scary -- was SHE the Perfect Man based on her needs?

And what is the Perfect Man, anyway?  Is it a tall, lean, airbrushed looks kind of guy?  Or a portly man with bushy eyebrows?  Is it a trainer with a six pack?  Or just a meat eater that shows up with one?

I'll tell you who the Perfect Man is:  No one!  There can be no universal perfection for men or anything else. I, for example, would like a man who is handsome, to me, not anyone else.  I don't mind a little bulge, as a matter of fact...never mind, let's keep it clean.  My needs and wants don't necessarily coincide with the woman sitting right next to me!  What I am trying to say is, I left the laundry list of what a man HAS to have to get my attention back in high school.  Life has shown me that everyone has a point of attraction for the opposite (and sometimes same) sex, no matter what. When one finds that point of attraction, all other demands fade away.  Or at least they should.

So, if you're starting to look like my friend up there at the bus station, it's time to reorganize your thoughts!  Of course, I'm not saying you should settle, NEVER SETTLE.  What I am trying to convey here is: ATTRACTION, not perfection.

The Universe is perfect.  So, next time it throws a bone at ya, BARK!

Oh, and don't forget to wag that tail.

 ;)

Lessons from a Teenager

Yes, I'm back.  Who cares, right?  I mean, come on, did you miss me?  You did?  Apologies.  I won't stray again, or at least I will try not to.  I'm not really good at keeping promises, but I'm really good at being forgiven ;).

Well, yes, I was gone for a really long time.  I guess I strayed from my quest of finding a man, and a long lasting relationship, yadda, yadda, yadda.  Was that my quest?  I don't really remember, because I've been off the blog for so long and, I must confess, reading it is not something I do.  Anyhoo...

The reason for my absence?  Let's just say it's not that interesting.  It has to do with my past, a man, and losing my north for a bit.  So to speak.

But, I am back.  And I am pleased to report, I am back with a VENGEANCE!!

Since my last blog, there has been a patching up of a relationship with an ex, but only on a friendship level.  And a tenuous friendship, at that.  So, no, that's not gonna happen.  But it did keep me away from my goal, like most toxic relationships do.

I have, however, renewed my determination to reshape this tired body.  I am (almost) religiously following a P90X regime and have cleaned up my eating a bit.  Hey, whatta ya want from me, I'm a sinner. I still refuse to eat anything non-fat, lite or alcohol free!

The reason I'm back on track came from an unlikely source -- my 17 year old son.  He has, it seems, finally put two and two together.  In other words exercise + good looks = GIRLS!!!  The good looks he was born with, the exercise came via P90X.  At first he tried to get me to do it with him and, in my defense, I did about 45 to his 90 days.  However, after the 90 days were up, I was so mortified at seeing his awesome results versus my flabbiness, that I decided to really BRING IT! this time.  I have kept to the schedule for at least 97% of the time.  (Hey, I'm not 17, life does get in the way sometimes)

So, as I sip my glass of Zinfandel and nibble on some garlic bagel, I can happily report that my body is actually changing and a few pounds have -- grudgingly-- given way. So, I am back on track, getting it together and, sending the "I need a man, NOW!" vibes to the universe.

Hopefully, I'm yelling loud enough.

Uninspired

Lost in the land of diet and exercise.  Hoping for a bikini body by Summer.  Hey, it's never too late, is it?  Not actively pursuing any man interests.  My ex and I are in speaking terms.  SPEAKING TERMS.  What am I, crazy???


Nah, he is.  :)

Thermostat

Been off the grid lately, not necessarily depressed, but off the wagon, so to speak.  Eating like a pig and drinking like a fish.  So, in my food and booze induced stupor, I found little inspiration to write.  I may be exaggerating the liquor stupor for effect, so don't go calling Candy Finnigan yet.

I've decided enough is enough and have cut down on my caloric intake at least.  Even started running on the treadmill with the aid of binaural beat meditations.  Then I got a nifty little game for the Wii called Just Dance 2, which has sent the treadmill back to dust bunny land.  I hate to say it, but my new found determination doesn't come from a desire to be healthy, but to be HOT!  I'm tired of seeing these chicks on TV looking so good when I know I can, too.  Yes, even at the tender age of 52.  I've seen women who look far older from the neck up with these fabulous bodies.  Pisses me off.

So, while I'm in this never ending quest for a relationship of the non plastic variety, I'm not sure I want to find a man who loves me just the way I am now.  If I'm to be honest, I'd rather be desired than be romanced sometimes.  I want men to see me and say God DAMN!!  Which is what I thought when I saw this mega hot guy coming out of my lobby and into the parking lot this morning.  All I saw was the back of him, his gorgeous, muscled arms, the still wet hair on his neck, sinewy legs, tight ass...  I couldn't have cared less what he looked like, although he is probably handsome, but that BODY!  Whoa!  Memo to me:  Girl, start thinking according to your chronological – not your mental – age.  He's way too young for you.  [Oh, but the possibilities!]

Anyway.  Relationships vs Freedom.  This annoying duality has plagued me all my life.  I have had two long term relationships and they have been great.  But, I also enjoy that wonderfully free time in between.  What to do?  I am quasi determined to hold out for the real thing.  However, I got two intriguing calls this past week which made me think.  One was from my ex on his birthday.  Another from one of the skeletons in my closet.  Both short term options, but do I want them?

If I ever settle for short term, I prefer someone with whom I don't have a history with. What would be the point?

The thermostat is on high. Maybe it's just menopause.

You've got to be in it to win it

January 16, 2011

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business

has gone bust and she’s in dire financial straits. She’s

so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She

begins to pray… “God, please help me. I’ve lost my

business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose

my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.”

Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it.

She again prays… “God, please let me win the lotto!

I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my

car as well.” The Lotto night comes and she still has no

uck.

Once again, she prays… “My God, why have You forsaken me?

I’ve lost my business, my house, and my car. My children

are starving. I don’t often ask You for help, and I have

always been a good servant to You.

PLEASE let me win the lotto just this one time so I can get

my life back in order.”

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens

open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself…

”Sweetheart, work with Me on this… Buy a ticket.”

I like to think of myself as an antisocial butterfly. I certainly know how to make friends, talk to people and, generally, be the life of the party. I am not a dull person. If I am at a social function, I am not the girl in the corner, nursing a drink and looking uncomfortable. And yet, I don't like going out as much as I used to.

I am a homebody at heart. I prefer to stay at home with a good book and maybe a bottle of wine. I like watching movies with the kids til the wee hours. I don't mind going to sleep early on a Friday night if my body demands it. If given the choice between party and home these days, sadly, I would pick home nine times out of ten. Unfortunately, men don't usually come knocking at my door and say, “Hi, my name is So-and-So, and I'd like to ask you out on a date. Whaddayasay?”

New York City Lotto uses a catchy slogan for buyers: You've gotta be in it to win it. So, like the joke above, I've decided to buy a ticket! I have decided to accept (almost) all invitations thrown at me lately, with the understanding that there are men outside of my door who may be interesting to look at and who may want to know my name.

I mean, let's face it. I spend nine hours at work, one hour commuting. As far as men are concerned, there aren't many candidates at my job, and those who look good are either too young or too married. Besides, I prefer dating someone who earns more than me.

Mind you, even though I grumble and complain when I receive an invitation, I have a great time when I go out with friends. I enjoy the dancing, drinking, loud conversations and jokes. I have a ball. After I get there, that is. Otherwise, it's like going to the beach for me. I hate going to the beach. I love being at the beach, the warm sand and refreshing water. Lying on my towel with a good book. Good times. It's the planning I don't like. Making the commitment, packing the cooler, preparing sandwiches. Finding a good parking spot. Returning home drunk and full of wet sand. I just realized what a disturbing analogy this is to dating, what with the wet sand and all. But you get my point.

In a typical 6/49 game, six numbers are drawn from a range of 49 and if the six numbers on a ticket match the numbers drawn, the ticket holder is a jackpot winner—this is true no matter in which order the numbers appear. The probability of this happening is 1 in 13,983,816. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

How many single women in their fifties do you think are playing lotto tonight?

The first syllable in Diet is DIE!

I was not born to cruise salad bars.  Instead, I will increase the incline on my treadmill.

Hunting and Gathering

January 5, 2011 

Manhunt?  What is that?  I've never hunted anything, let alone something as big as a man! I'm not tooting my own horn when I say I've never actively engaged in the pursuit of a man.  Seriously.  I am, by nature, shy.  My friends will probably laugh so hard at this that beer will come out of their noses, but it's true.  Oh, I'm very friendly, and at times the life of a party.  But that is with the people I ALREADY know.  My friends come to me as my men do, by chance.  Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?  Is that old-fashioned thinking?

I spent the weekend at a friend's beach house with some very good friends.  We were all gathered on the porch talking -- what else? -- relationships.  My good friend Carlos stated that when he was single he was actively, if not desperately, looking for a mate.  He was becoming increasingly frustrated because he could not find the perfect woman for him.  So much so, that he finally -- sort of -- gave up.  He was always on alert, but his heart was just not that into it.  Around that time, he was invited to a party which he reluctantly attended and BAM! there she was.  MS PERFECT!  They have been married for over 10 years and are annoyingly happy!  I 
love them both.

Also that afternoon, a good friend who is recently divorced made the following statement:  "I have already asked the Universe for the man I want." 

That is a very metaphysical statement.  It's also very true.  When you want something, anything, just ask the Universe and a process will go into motion to get you what you want.  Always.  Matthew 7:7, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you”. The other part of that metaphysical law: after you ask, detatch yourself from the outcome.  No thinking how it's going to happen, when it's going to happen or why hasn't it happened yet?  This is exacly what happened to my friend Carlos when he gave up on 'hunting' for a woman, she materialized because he wanted her.  Another word for this is praying


I am sure Nora will find her perfect man.  She's definitely having a wonderful time and enjoying 

her life in the meantime.

After I returned home, I read this article on the internet: How to Make 2011 your Year for Love by Barrie Dolnick.  http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=5729&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=710175.

In this article, Dolnick gives some advice for finding a man. One of them is very similar to what Nora did. You light a candle and sit in the middle of the room. You read out loud from a list of everything you want in a mate and then you blow out the candle. A little hocus pocus for me, but, if the whole ritual thing is what works for you, be my guest. It's still the same metaphysical concept of asking the Universe for what you want. Don't forget, after you blow out the candle, detach yourself from the outcome.

The advice I found most interesting is act 'as if' you are already in a relationship. What? Be sexually frustrated, walk around grumping and cranky, muttering under my breath about the friggin' toilet seat being up, AGAIN? Perhaps the author can modify that to, act 'as if' I'm in the perfect relationship. That's better. She's advices to get your act together, learn to cook, clean out the unwanted stuff in your closet to make room for you-know-who. In other words, prepare your home for a possible intrud – ahem! – man.

I think that's very good advice, not just to find a man. I think it's very good advice to find yourself. Anytime there is too much clutter or two many activities in your life, you don't have much time for yourself. You don't care that there isn't enough food in the fridge. Mind you, you go out of your way to feed your children or those friends coming over, but you? You'll eat whatever.

In the morning you skip breakfast, you'll throw on anything you can find that is half pressed and doesn't smell. Forgot to shave? Wear pants. Makeup? Later. Your room may be a mess, too many knicknacks around the house, too many clothes from twenty pounds ago which you refuse to throw out because YOU WILL lose that weight.

Living 'as if'? That's actually pretty good advice for self. For preparing to be in a relationship with yourself. And I believe that is the most important relationship. Before you can enter into a relationship with a man, you need to enter in to a relationship with yourself. You need to recognize who you are, and love her.

Then you can work on that intruder.