Hunting and Gathering

January 5, 2011 

Manhunt?  What is that?  I've never hunted anything, let alone something as big as a man! I'm not tooting my own horn when I say I've never actively engaged in the pursuit of a man.  Seriously.  I am, by nature, shy.  My friends will probably laugh so hard at this that beer will come out of their noses, but it's true.  Oh, I'm very friendly, and at times the life of a party.  But that is with the people I ALREADY know.  My friends come to me as my men do, by chance.  Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?  Is that old-fashioned thinking?

I spent the weekend at a friend's beach house with some very good friends.  We were all gathered on the porch talking -- what else? -- relationships.  My good friend Carlos stated that when he was single he was actively, if not desperately, looking for a mate.  He was becoming increasingly frustrated because he could not find the perfect woman for him.  So much so, that he finally -- sort of -- gave up.  He was always on alert, but his heart was just not that into it.  Around that time, he was invited to a party which he reluctantly attended and BAM! there she was.  MS PERFECT!  They have been married for over 10 years and are annoyingly happy!  I 
love them both.

Also that afternoon, a good friend who is recently divorced made the following statement:  "I have already asked the Universe for the man I want." 

That is a very metaphysical statement.  It's also very true.  When you want something, anything, just ask the Universe and a process will go into motion to get you what you want.  Always.  Matthew 7:7, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you”. The other part of that metaphysical law: after you ask, detatch yourself from the outcome.  No thinking how it's going to happen, when it's going to happen or why hasn't it happened yet?  This is exacly what happened to my friend Carlos when he gave up on 'hunting' for a woman, she materialized because he wanted her.  Another word for this is praying


I am sure Nora will find her perfect man.  She's definitely having a wonderful time and enjoying 

her life in the meantime.

After I returned home, I read this article on the internet: How to Make 2011 your Year for Love by Barrie Dolnick.  http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=5729&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=710175.

In this article, Dolnick gives some advice for finding a man. One of them is very similar to what Nora did. You light a candle and sit in the middle of the room. You read out loud from a list of everything you want in a mate and then you blow out the candle. A little hocus pocus for me, but, if the whole ritual thing is what works for you, be my guest. It's still the same metaphysical concept of asking the Universe for what you want. Don't forget, after you blow out the candle, detach yourself from the outcome.

The advice I found most interesting is act 'as if' you are already in a relationship. What? Be sexually frustrated, walk around grumping and cranky, muttering under my breath about the friggin' toilet seat being up, AGAIN? Perhaps the author can modify that to, act 'as if' I'm in the perfect relationship. That's better. She's advices to get your act together, learn to cook, clean out the unwanted stuff in your closet to make room for you-know-who. In other words, prepare your home for a possible intrud – ahem! – man.

I think that's very good advice, not just to find a man. I think it's very good advice to find yourself. Anytime there is too much clutter or two many activities in your life, you don't have much time for yourself. You don't care that there isn't enough food in the fridge. Mind you, you go out of your way to feed your children or those friends coming over, but you? You'll eat whatever.

In the morning you skip breakfast, you'll throw on anything you can find that is half pressed and doesn't smell. Forgot to shave? Wear pants. Makeup? Later. Your room may be a mess, too many knicknacks around the house, too many clothes from twenty pounds ago which you refuse to throw out because YOU WILL lose that weight.

Living 'as if'? That's actually pretty good advice for self. For preparing to be in a relationship with yourself. And I believe that is the most important relationship. Before you can enter into a relationship with a man, you need to enter in to a relationship with yourself. You need to recognize who you are, and love her.

Then you can work on that intruder.